A letter to someone

To you,

I had to write this letter just to ease the pain. I wanted to tell you a lot of things but I never had the courage to do so.

I thought it was all fun and stuff. That the feeling would fade away after some time. I never thought I’ll fall in love with a guy like you.

Now I am torn between the feelings of letting you go or fighting for you after all that had happened.

Do you want me out of your life? Just tell me. I never wanted to compete with your dreams. I understand them as always. I never wanted to bring up topics like this for I am afraid you would take it seriously. And I am afraid I’ll lose you. I know that you can actually live without me and I can’t.

And I never wanted to demand anything from you. I hated you but only for a while. I hated myself more because when I am supposed to let go, you would appear out of nowhere and the feeling would be there again even though you made me cry a lot of times already.

The feelings I had for HIM (you know him) were long gone. It came to a point where I cried because I never wanted to hurt you. That if I choose to continue being a fool, I know I’ll hurt someone who have waited for his turn just so I could notice him. To tell you I have always noticed you, I was just afraid of admitting to the world I feel the same way.

I’m sorry for all the pain. I’m sorry for taking you for granted. I loved you and I still love you but I couldn’t find the words to bid goodbye now that things are complicated.

~antonette