The End

Seems like it’s no longer worth fighting for.

Should I let go then?

I guess, it’s not enough that I’m holding on and I’m trying to find ways to settle things when in fact He gave up the fight already. There’s no use and I’m just trying to make my life complicated. In fact it’s already miserable.

I am afraid to let him go because I’m afraid I’d fall straight to the ground.

In the first place there had never been a commitment. And my mistake was to believe that he’ll stay with me for good but just like my old decisions I was wrong… maybe I was always wrong  about him.

And I’m still waiting. Waiting for him to say He’s sorry and that he wants another chance. I’ll always give him that chance. But I never gave myself the chance to be free from the feelings I have always felt for him, I never gave myself a chance to look around and probably see… that someone out there is worthier than him.

I’m always torn between holding on and letting go.

“When you feel like you’re falling for him again, think about the reason why you left him.”

Maybe I was never that important for him. And I considered him one of my priorities. I already knew that. I already knew things that are maybe known only to me. It was only a matter of time before the thought sunk into my stupid head.

When someone asked me if I see my future with him I said yes. I imagined myself growing up with him.

And now I’m letting go of all those thoughts.

If ever he might want to come back, the feeling would always be there. But I have to move on and continue my life. It’s not all about love but it’s about showing that person how much you care for them. Actions do really speak louder than words. And maybe letting him go will lessen the agony for the both of us.

I love him

Is it goodbye already?

~antonette

~written on march 9, 2010

at 12:55 AM