When the spell vanished

I’ll miss you when I wake up

And the only time I’ll stop doing so will be the time that I’ll cease waking up.

This is always the scenario however this time there’s a closure and perhaps it was for the best. Yet I wish I never ever had the courage to do so, I should have asked for another chance. But I’m not numb and I can feel it that he’s already done and there’s nothing I can do. It was my entire fault after all, I neglected him.

I never demanded time and prioritization but he tried his best and the decision had always been with me.

Maybe he fell out of love. Does love or the feeling really fade away? I never knew the answer. Where do they go? I’d like to know coz I want to have the feelings back.

I have so many questions in mind. Was it that easy for him to let me go? Did he consider asking for another chance coz I’ll always give him the chance. Did he really want it to end?

The letting go part wasn’t at all fine with me. I just had to accept it. I just thought maybe he really needed it and for us to be happy I have to set him free. I never owned him. He had always been owned by others.

But he had my heart from the very start and he’ll always have my heart… and a simple smile would make my day complete.

But… yeah that was then.

I just have to get used to the new scene that now, he’s not there to pick me up when I’m down… that he’s not there to comfort me when I need someone to talk to.

It was nice that for that span of time I felt how to be loved and to love someone. It felt great to be special in his eyes.

And if only… I’d have the power to change it… again for the nth time that I’ll wish for this… I would have told him from the very start that he’s my world.

Although, words doesn’t really matter much, It’s the actions that counts the most and I won’t ever forget how in his own ways he made me smile and made me dream about the future.

We’re still young and there’s a big world out there to explore and enjoy. 

If ever we bump into each other again in the future and the feelings or “sparks” as he called it will still be there then maybe… we’re meant to be together after all.

I’ll cross my fingers for it.  I wish I could have had a longer spell to keep the relationship working but what was done was done.

I want to thank him for everything… for the love and for making me feel special.

I love him

And

I’m letting go.

~antonette <3

March 09, 2010

2:25 A.M.