My grown up Christmas List

I know it’s past Christmas and this is late. But, I just wanted to write this. That if Santa knows how to use the internet he will find a way to read my post and he’ll grant me those things written on my list. That is if there’s an internet connection in North Pole and he has his own computer or probably laptop… or something else where he can get online.

Colored pens? New bags? Gameboy? Shoes? Books? Cellphone? I couldn’t even remember what I have always wanted when I was a child.

I was once a kid and I believed in his existence and if believing in him would be the only way then I’d do that again. But deep inside, I know, he doesn’t exist and I have to set aside my childish feelings of having everything that I want now. I’m grown up and so much has changed. This world definitely sucks. It gives me so much pain. It makes me cry a lot and I’m tired. Sometimes, I do not even know the reason why I am crying anymore, a lot of things keep on shaking my mind.

I must have had a wish list before, but this real world absolutely do not hand over to us the things we want. And that list must have been torn now if I have had one. After all, I have shed so many tears already; I must have slept on it crying that it got so soaked. If not, maybe this time that list is empty, it is as clean as it should be, and it’s just a piece of paper which can now be found in the dump.

Really expecting would just always turn into disappointments. I have known that, for so many years now.

And I got used with not-to-expect-anything-anymore-even-if-promised-a-hundred-times.

It’s stupid to expect anyway. It only makes you feel so embarrassed.

Just hope for the best.

^_^